More than just words

I'm starting to find myself falling into poetry again. It's been such a long time since I found myself curling up and just letting my heart fall onto the paper.

Let me explain this to those of you who don't know.

My heart speaks in poetry, it speaks in rhythmic timing. My heart beats with the steady flow of the dramatic and the thematic. My veins course with rhyme schemes and methods. I can feel the words before they become thoughts in my head. I feel every piece that I write flow through my body and onto the page. More often than not, my writing seems to be a sub-conscious thing. Half of the time it seems like I don't know what I'm writing until I've written it.

If you've read my post from a week ago Friday, you noticed that I made a huge realization in my life. Through that entire weekend where I had my revelation, I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. See if you can follow my change of heart through the 3 days I was gone.

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*Take My Eyes* (Day 1)

I'm at the point of moving on
I can feel my heart shifting
Yet my mind is trapped in idle
Stuck on this situation
Lord, help me, take my eyes
And turn them from the beauty I see
and focus my sight on You.
I feel so turned around so often
I need You to show up and be here
Every step seems like a miscalculation
Like I'm searching for fulfillment
In a source outside of Your grace.

I'm at the point of falling down
I can feel my legs failing
Yet I continue to walk on
Pushing forward while my heart seems empty
I'm looking for something in someone else
Lord, help me, take my eyes
And turn them to the beauty in You.

I'm at the point of turning around
Tired of fighting
Tired of searching
Tired of hoping ... for something that is uncertain
Lord, I'm laying my heart at your feet
Take it
Make it
To search after You
To find Your face
In the beauty I see.

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*Fearless* (Day 1)

Close your eyes
Take a breathe and let it linger
Let your breathe flow from your lips
Let your breathe carry all your worries
Flying far from you
Leaving you free
Leaving you fearless

Can you take a second
And release all your tension
Leave it at my feet
So you can walk forward
Fearless.

Close your eyes
Take a breathe and let it linger
Let your breathe flow from you
Let my breathe fill you up
Leaving you fearless.

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*So Tight* (Day 2)

I'm sitting in total confusion
Lost in this distraction
Unwilling to leave my desires
And I feel so unworthy
Because I am buried beneath
Everything that I hold so tight

I know what I should do
Yet here I sit in utter anxiety
I want to let it all go
I want to leave it at Your feet
But my hands hold so tight
To the things of this world
I want to let it all go
But I don't know how
I don't know if I can

I've been holding on so long
It seems like such a part of me now
My desire is taking over
And I hate every moment
That I am distracted from You
My life seems emptier
And I know why
Lord, I need your help
I don't have the strength
To let go of who my heart is crying out for
Lord, I know You are everything I need
But my human-nature craves
To love and be loved
And I know there is a reason
That she is in my life
I only ask that you give me the strength
To move forward and pursue
Or take my heart and wash it clean
And remove this distraction
To relieve my confusion.

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*Untitled* (Day 2)
Explain this to me
I am so focused
On not being distracted
That everything within me
Is in total disarray
My world seems so overwhelming
I'm losing focus of everything
My mind is crashing in
And I don't know what to do
So I fall into my coping system
And I wish I didn't have to resort to it
But here I am
Focused on what I tried to leave behind.

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*The Absence* (Day 3)

You are changing my soul
And I can see
My heart seems to slowly fade
Into the nothingness around me
This void seems never-ending
But I know this is for my benefit

You are changing my soul
Setting me free
To follow this path
Lord, I want that.
And now I can see Your face
Within this absence

Lord, I want that.
Within this absence
I finally can see
That you are setting me free.