White Peaks

Every once in a while, I get to a point in my head where I just have so much going on, and I don't know where to turn. I get so lost in my thoughts that I lose focus and start to question everything. It's something that I've had to deal with my whole life. Whenever I hit a wall, my mind starts swirling with everything and anything. The curse of an analytical obsessive-compulsive with A.D.D.

Anyways, When I get this way I tend to write, or create or do something as my release. I'll grab a notebook and go out into the woods and write, or I'll grab a guitar and disappear for a while and just play some music.

I came across my notebook from early this year, and was looking through it and I cam across this piece, and wanted to share it, because I know that I am not the only person to ever feel like that.
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White Peaks

Suffocating underneath my own ambition
Fighting to find a foothold
On this mountain turned from mole-hill
The weight of my own anticipation
Bearing down on my heart.

I see the white peaks of this mountain
So close yet they seem so out of reach
I can feel the cold air enveloping me
Yet with each breath of air I breathe in
I seem to lose my strength and cannot continue

I've come so far
I can turn around and see
the base of the mountain far beneath me
The truth is evident
But it seems so eventual
That I will fall
That I will lose my grip
And tumble back to where I began

I see the white peaks of this mountain
So inviting yet they seem so imposing
I can feel the cold air enveloping me
Yet with each breath of air I breathe in
I seem to lose my strength and cannot continue
Using what might I have left
To hang on this ledge
My fingers slowly slipping

I can feel the tears in my eyes
Slowly forming
Turning to ice
Freezing before they can fall
Trapped inside
My emotions cannot escape
The cold air of this glorious mountain
Affecting me so

I see the white peaks of this mountain
So inviting yet so imposing
I see the white peaks.

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I think we get so caught up in the things of the moment that we lose focus of the beauty around us.

Let me put this in perspective for you. This piece came out of a time in my life where I was so busy, and so overwhelmed with my life that I was starting to question whether my life was worth living. This life that we live often seems like a roller coaster of sorts. There are always highs and lows. The difference that I see is that on a roller coaster, you tend to climb slowly up to your high and then fly through the lows.. With me, that doesn't ever seem to be the case, I tend to sit and wallow in the lows. I climb up to my highs and then putz through the lows. When I hit my low times, I wallow in self pity, frustration, whatever you name a negative emotion, and i feel it...

Well, I hit this low in early April, and questioned everything. Nothing seemed to be going my way, and that frustrated me. I was just starting to climb my way out. I was dealing with it. And my world came crashing down around me. I was struggling to make ends meet, I was in a relationship that was dragging me down, I was just in the midst of major self-pity. Everything seemed to just spiral out of control.

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So how often do we find ourselves climbing the mountains of this life, and we are so concerned with finding our footholds, or worried about falling that we forget to look around and see the glory of the moment. The next time that you find yourself climbing a mountain, take a second to see the beauty of the moment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Bwt5MaGvDQ