FEAR:
n.
- A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.
- A state or condition marked by this feeling: living in fear.
- A feeling of disquiet or apprehension: a fear of looking foolish.
- Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power.
- A reason for dread or apprehension: Being alone is my greatest fear.
I've been thinking about fears for the last couple weeks. I've been doing some soul searching lately, and I've been looking into my own fears. Everyone has something that they are afraid of. Whether it is something physical like spiders (arachnophobia), snakes (ophidiophobia), or bunny rabbits (Leporiphobia) or if it's more emotional like being alone (autophobia), death (thanatophobia), or dreams (Oneirophobia). It's obvious that everyone has something. The question isn't really: what are you afraid of? -- but it's actually more: what causes me to fear?
There is usually a good reason for our fears, except maybe the fear of bunny rabbits, but that's a different problem altogether. But our fears are usually based on something. I'm finding where my fears are coming from; but before I tell you my fears and where they come from, let me tell you a story. I went through a couple days of intense Christian counseling in May. I was in such a broken state, that I didn't really know what to do anymore. I was losing my mind, losing my heart, losing myself. I was full of fear, full of doubt, full of questions. I was broken-hearted. I was self-loathing. I was just afraid.
I met with the counselor, she was such an amazing woman of God, and she really helped me see things in a different light. She took me into the places I was afraid to go. She brought me to where I could surrender what I was afraid to let go of. She helped me find new hope. She helped me see Christ again. We sat down together and looked into what I was afraid of, and found the deeper reasons why I was afraid.
**If you're reading this, you've probably heard/read parts of my story before, if not then just check some of my other posts.**
Anyways, ever since I can remember I've had this fear of abandonment. Fear of loneliness. Fear of being unloved. Call it whatever you want, I had it. I was afraid that everyone I cared about would leave me. I was afraid that I would be left alone to fend for myself like I've had to do for all of my life. My parents both abandoned me (in different ways) when I was a baby. My parents divorced when I was born, so my dad physically abandoned me, but my mom left me more emotionally abandoned. When I was growing up, I didn't have a stable family life. I was always being left with someone while my mom worked, so I never really felt stable or loved. Something else was always more important than I was. So obviously I'm going to grow up with a complex of being abandoned by everyone. It's normal, it's understood, it's obvious. I understand now why I had that fear. For so many years I walked around in this world knowing what I was afraid of, but never really dealing with it.
We talked about my fears for a while in the counseling, then we started digging deeper into my heart. We started looking at why I had convinced myself that everyone was going to leave me. We started uncovering my heart. We started taking down the walls. We started my healing. I let the Holy Spirit truly come into my heart and start healing me.
I had let my fears control my heart and convince myself that I was unimportant to anyone. that I was unloved by anyone. that I was alone. I finally realized the root of why I was afraid. I wasn't afraid because any of it was true, I was afraid because in my heart: I wasn't important to myself, I wasn't loved by myself, I was alone. My fears had nothing to do with anyone but me. I was afraid of being abandoned by everyone else, when all I was doing was abandoning myself.
It was like the light finally clicked on. The door was finally opened. The floodgates were finally lifted. The pain was finally healed.
I am loved, just because I am.
I am loved, just because I am.
I am loved, just because I am.
Fears can be powerful, they can seem overwhelming... but fears can be overcome. Fears can be broken. The Holy Spirit is more powerful than anything. The Holy Spirit desires to make your heart complete. The Holy Spirit wants you to feel the joy of being free; free from the pain, free from the bondage, free from the fear.
"I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one who has to walk through it." - Morpheus (Matrix)
Are you going to try walking through your door? It's worth facing your fears to find whats on the other side.
I met with the counselor, she was such an amazing woman of God, and she really helped me see things in a different light. She took me into the places I was afraid to go. She brought me to where I could surrender what I was afraid to let go of. She helped me find new hope. She helped me see Christ again. We sat down together and looked into what I was afraid of, and found the deeper reasons why I was afraid.
**If you're reading this, you've probably heard/read parts of my story before, if not then just check some of my other posts.**
Anyways, ever since I can remember I've had this fear of abandonment. Fear of loneliness. Fear of being unloved. Call it whatever you want, I had it. I was afraid that everyone I cared about would leave me. I was afraid that I would be left alone to fend for myself like I've had to do for all of my life. My parents both abandoned me (in different ways) when I was a baby. My parents divorced when I was born, so my dad physically abandoned me, but my mom left me more emotionally abandoned. When I was growing up, I didn't have a stable family life. I was always being left with someone while my mom worked, so I never really felt stable or loved. Something else was always more important than I was. So obviously I'm going to grow up with a complex of being abandoned by everyone. It's normal, it's understood, it's obvious. I understand now why I had that fear. For so many years I walked around in this world knowing what I was afraid of, but never really dealing with it.
We talked about my fears for a while in the counseling, then we started digging deeper into my heart. We started looking at why I had convinced myself that everyone was going to leave me. We started uncovering my heart. We started taking down the walls. We started my healing. I let the Holy Spirit truly come into my heart and start healing me.
I had let my fears control my heart and convince myself that I was unimportant to anyone. that I was unloved by anyone. that I was alone. I finally realized the root of why I was afraid. I wasn't afraid because any of it was true, I was afraid because in my heart: I wasn't important to myself, I wasn't loved by myself, I was alone. My fears had nothing to do with anyone but me. I was afraid of being abandoned by everyone else, when all I was doing was abandoning myself.
It was like the light finally clicked on. The door was finally opened. The floodgates were finally lifted. The pain was finally healed.
I am loved, just because I am.
I am loved, just because I am.
I am loved, just because I am.
Fears can be powerful, they can seem overwhelming... but fears can be overcome. Fears can be broken. The Holy Spirit is more powerful than anything. The Holy Spirit desires to make your heart complete. The Holy Spirit wants you to feel the joy of being free; free from the pain, free from the bondage, free from the fear.
"I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one who has to walk through it." - Morpheus (Matrix)
Are you going to try walking through your door? It's worth facing your fears to find whats on the other side.
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